Tickets to the much heralded Madonna concert in Bucharest, to be held in Parcul Izvor in the shadows of Casa Poporului on August 26th, are now on sale. Get yours here (if there are any left).

TIP: It helps to be a Vodafone client.

Price of tickets? High, from 120 lei for a standing place on the outskirts of Ploiesti to a whopping 2,250 lei for a 'VIP package' which includes a seat placed where you might just be able to see the great lady, some warm beer and plenty of local tarts in sunglasses on the arms of shaven monkeys with big muscles.

But the price is no reason not to go. That's how much it costs to see Madonna. You can't expect stars to lower their retainers simply because the audience is poorer than other places (this is one reason major stars have given Romania a wide-berth until now).

No, it is not the price of tickets that puts us off, it is knowing what an utter disaster event organisation is in Romania.

We've been to mega-concerts in this city before and know exactly what kind of afternoon and evening it will be. Whatever tMadonna does on stage will pale into insignificance compared to the utter mess that will be the organisation of the event.

To get in you will no doubt have to get there horribly early (latecomers will not be admitted). As we are talking August you can expect temperatures to be in the high 30s. You will not, however, be allowed to bring in any liquids (even still water), and you will have to pay exorbitant prices for refreshments from concession stands. These will be few and far between, queues will be long and they will run out of water long before Madonna comes on stage. Basically, by the time she does appear you would have been standing up in the heat for a good couple of hours.

Toilets? Well, you could bring an empty recepticle, though expect that to be confiscated by the security gorillas too. 

And then there's the hype. Oh the hype. Expect to hear about little else from now until she's long left the country. You will be kept up to date on the woman's every movement, from what she eats for breakfast to the colour of the sheets on her hotel bed. Expect interviews on Stirile Pro TV with the chambermaid who will be cleaning her room (which will be accompanied by a comparative graphic showing her salary and that of Madonna). Expect ace reporter Catalin Radu Tanase to report live from the airport as her plane lands 'A aterizat Madonna. Repet. A aterizat Madonna.'

Tabloid TV channel OTV will no doubt do a special along the lines of

BOMBA ZILEI: MADONNA STIE UNDE E ELODIA!

You think we're joking? Wait and see.