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Great Russian Beer Test

Even the bears in Russia wander around swigging vodka, right? According to the stereotypes, in Russia it’s vodka straight up and nothing else. Yes, Russia has a long tradition of producing this clear and potent fire-water, but these days beer is fast becoming the nation’s favourite drink and bears are now sipping beers instead (well they would be if they weren’t so busy playing balalaikas...). InMoscow you can get it anywhere, at anytime and often for less than the price of a soft drink. In preparation for the various events celebrating Oktoberfest we decided it was time to put Russian beer to the test.

By Louise Whitworth.

 
The Rules – 8 beers, randomly selected from the fridge at our local corner shop and served to our 6 judges in identical glasses with no labelling. The beers received marks for colour, taste and aroma. The results are as follows:  In order to ensure that our judges really did know their stuff, we slipped a Baltika 0 into the test. Alas the non-alcoholic beer aimed at drivers and recovering winos fooled none of our beer-lovers. ‘Who washed the dishes in this water?’ cried one, and ‘What is this watery lemonade about?’ was the question on everyone’s lips. Indeed, most thought it barely looked, smelled or even tasted like beer. If you’re off the sauce tonight, our advice is: stick to the 7up. Last place!

Awful’, ‘Are you trying to poison me?!’ and ‘What the hell is this s***?’ were the comments wailed as our judges forced down their glasses of Baltika 9, the darkest and at 8% by far the strongest of the Baltika range. The ‘aroma’ was described as somewhere between poo, cat litter and an outside toilet. As for the taste, plenty of sour faces immediately demanded more snacks to help bury the memory. The choice of tramps and hooligans all over the land, Baltika 9 can only be recommended for those times when you’ve been robbed of all your senses, money and dignity.... and really couldn’t get your hands on any vodka. 7th place

To our surprise the ‘traditional recipe’ of Stary Melnik or old windmill, didn’t fair much better. Once removed from its enticing dark rustic-style bottle, this beer became much less desirable. Stary Melnik seems to have little going for it, as it was found to be both ‘too bitter’ and ‘too strong’ and even a little ‘chemical-y’. Surely beer wasn’t this bad in the old days?! 6th place  

Although its main ingredient is apples, Redds is in fact a beer and NOT, as some of our judges claimed, a cider. Coming in cute 330ml bottles, smelling like bubblegum and jammed full of fruit, Redds unsurprisingly is a hit with the Russian ladies. Despite its sweetness the beer did surprisingly well, with our panel generally liking its fruity palette, although many complained that they’d be unable to drink it to the point of intoxication.  5th place
 

Possibly the most prominent Russian beer on the market, Baltika 7 is everywhere you look. Although it’s available for mere pennies on virtually every Russian street corner, the oh-so hip are now picking it up for eye-watering prices in their local delis and style-bars in Western Europe, as Baltika goes global. To our amazement the popular brew was found to be a little bit ‘watery’, ‘weak’ and, shock horror! ‘Not quite refreshing enough’ – ah, the power of marketing! 4th place


Yes, we’ve done it! We’ve finally proved that Nevskoe lager actually is nicer than Baltika. Just like Pepsi and Coca-cola, the brands are both fizzy, bad for you and sponsoring every event going. Nevskoe classic slipped ahead into third place having a ‘solid’ beer taste and the right levels of bitterness, alcohol and fizz. In fact despite having now tasted 8 beers, one judge even asked for more! All in the name of research of course... 3rd place


In a commendable second place came the lesser-known Yarpivo. Like many Russian beers, Yarpivo - originally from Yaroslav - is now brewed in St Petersburg by the Baltika brewery. This nice little pint of the golden stuff passed the colour and smell test with top marks. Moreover the taste was deemed neither too strong nor too weak, as well as finding the right place between bitter and sweet.  2nd place

And the winner is....Far and away the most popular of the bunch was a lovely-looking amber beer. The smell was satisfyingly ‘natural’ and appetising and the taste more than matched its promising presentation. ‘Is it really Russian?’ asked one tester. Yes it is and what’s more it’s local. Petersburg’s Tinkoff brewery has successfully produced a truly malty beer with light caramel overtones and a slightly bitter aftertaste that should convince you that they really do know what they’re doing.   1st place

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