Campaigning for General Jaruzelski to be elected emperor and singing commie anthems at a chimpanzee cage are a couple of the stunts pulled by the Orange Alternative, a surrealist protest group formed in the early 80s by Major Waldemar Fydrych. Weird and wacky they might be, but it would be wrong to compare the Orange Alternative to Britain’s Monster Raving Loony Party. Behind the smokescreen of absurdities the Orange Alternative assumed a prominent role in the anti-totalitarian protests of the 1980s, helping bring Poland’s plight to international attention through their zany happenings.

The brains behind it all was Major Waldemar Fydrych, a native of Toruń who moved to Wrocław to study History and Art History at the university. It was during this time he started taking an active interest in politics, joining the protests and strikes that were breaking out across Poland. But the real turning point came in 1980, when he was involved in a train crash while travelling to take part in the shipyard strikes in Gdańsk. Mutilated bodies lay strewn around, the grizzly scene compounded by the sight of a woman’s head being carried away. Fydrych remained calm, noting it was only when he finally arrived at the shipyards that the nerves started jangling. His journey back had less of the carnage, but just as much of the thrills. Stopped for not having a ticket Fydrych paid off the conductors with a fistful of anti-government pamphlets. An eventful day, you’d agree, and one which left Fydrych convinced he was destined for life as an agitator. Back in Wrocław he set up the New Culture Movement, as well as helping in the organization of a massive peace rally in 1981. Things were rolling, and it was around this time he started daubing paintings of gnomes on top of anti-government graffiti which had been whited-out by the militia. It was in the same year he and his friends launched a subversive newspaper titled Alternative Orange, thereby paving the way for the movement of the same name. In 1986 he upped the ante by launching a series of actions and happenings that would cement his status as Poland’s most creative dissenter. Known to his followers as The Major there is actually nothing militaristic about Fydrych’s life. On the contrary, his moniker stems from an incident where he feigned insanity to avoid national service. Called up for military duty Fydrych appeared in front of an army panel dressed in the regalia of a major, his bubbling and babbling enthusiasm leaving the army commission in no doubt that he was as mad as a March hare, and in no way fit to serve in the Polish military. Mild mannered, extremely likeable but wholly committed to fighting the establishment, Fydrych concentrated his energies on initiating bizarre happenings aimed at poking fun at the system. The first such action took place in 1986, and from there things got progressively crazier. The credos was simple; having learnt from the bloody protests of the early 80s Fydrych sought to avoid aggressive confrontation with the militia by staging a series of demonstrations that were so silly armed intervention would seem ludicrous.
One such parade saw 2,000 people march through Wrocław dressed as Father Christmas, their placards calling for the release of Santa. Mass arrests followed, and in the confusion that followed store workers legitimately dressed as Santa were rounded up and thrown in the cells. Another action saw activists turn up dressed as spies and undercover cops. For the anniversary of Russia’s October Revolution Fydrych urged his cohorts to turn up with anything red; ‘wear red shoes, borrow a red bag from your neighbour, paint your fingernails red, buy a bread stick with ketchup’. Once more the authorities clamped down on the illegal gathering, with farcial scenes ensuing; anyone dressed in red was nicked, and Fydrych reminisces of followers being chased through the streets, angry militiamen puffing away in furious pursuit. Once again unwitting passersby were caught up, and Fydrych recalls two old women being arrested for the crime of wearing red: ‘after being detained we were held together in a big hall, so we all decided to have a spontaneous sing along. The women who were there by accident had no idea why they had been rounded up, and simply assumed they had been bought to the station to sing with us’. The protest hit international television, serving only to make a mockery of the communist system. On International Children’s Day the activists congregated on Wrocław’s ulica Świdnicka – right by the subway – calling for the street to be handed over to dwarves; today the statue of a cheerful, chubby gnome stands at the intersection in tribute. Although it had no direct links with Solidarity the two were connected with a common cause, that of breaking the system, and as such Fydrych recalls how Solidarity would often help out printing leaflets and posters announcing the next Orange event. Happenings took place across Poland, and in Warsaw one such march saw 4,000 take to the streets chanting ‘We love Lenin’. Indeed, the numbers make for impressive reading – over 10,000 people attended the Revolution of Dwarves in Wrocław, while another saw a similar number attend a mock carnival beseeching the government for ‘more festivities, more games and more eggs’. With communism crumbling the protests grew, with one seeing thirteen Orange bods walk the streets with individual letters printed on their t-shirts. Lined up together their shirts announced ‘Precz z upałami’ (away with the heat), though whenever the police would turn their backs the chap wearing the letter ‘u’ would slip from view, the message therefore changing to ‘Precz z pałami’ (away with the truncheons). Trouble with the police was to be expected, and Fydrych has given up count of the times he’s been arrested. He was jailed for three months after handing out tampons to women, though the general uproar that followed saw him released by the red-faced authorities; once again his nonsensical protests saw common sense triumph over an increasingly daft-looking system. His campaign for freedom of speech was recognized across the world, and honours bestowed upon him included the Solidarity Award of Puls in London, and the 1988 Award of Polkul in Austria. In 2005 both he and his movement were honored with an exhibition held in the Brussels European Parliament.
With communism dead Fydrych sought a new life in France, working for several years as a painter and decorator. He continued to involve himself in anarchic happenings, before choosing to return to Poland in 2001. In 2002 he stood in the race for Mayor of Warsaw, and ran once more in the 2006 election. He scored 2,914 votes (0.41%), thereby beating more high profile parties like the LPR. The Orange Alternative also played a role in Ukraine’s Orange Revolution of 2004, with Fydrych and his followers travelling from Warsaw to Kiev in an orange battle bus, before presenting President Yuschenko with a fifteen metre orange scarf in front of a crowd of thousands.
Today Fydrych spends much of his time in Warsaw, publishing and promoting his books as well as plotting more happenings in brainstorming sessions with his associates. Like many Poles he is optimistic about the future of Poland, pointing to the election of Platforma as a positive sign: ‘more young people voted than ever before, a sure indication that the young finally want to take the responsibility for the future of their country’. Although he didn’t stand in the recent elections, readers can rest assured that that’s not the last they’ll hear of Poland’s greatest Major. For more information about him and his movement point your mouse towards: www.pomaranczowa-alternatywa.republika.pl.

Further reading

A cracking addition to any coffee table this hefty manuscript comes stuffed with all the trivia you ever needed to know about the Orange Alternative. Titled Pomarańczowa alternatywa Rewolucja krasnoludków, Orange Alternative Rewolution (sic) of Dwarves the hardback tome contains texts in Polish, German and English, with the commentary supplied by Major Fydrych and professor Bronisław Misztal. Filled with anecdotes and philosophies the book comes stuffed with photos of happenings and events, and is an A-Z of Orange related scribblings. The book is priced at 98zł and can be ordered online at:majorfydrych.blog.onet.pl/2,ID270373305,index.html.